Historically Speaking (about myself)

The commentary I am writing is not a sales pitch. I am not affiliated with any agency or service, and have no
professional interest whatsoever in how you spend your time or money. Although I became acquainted with
the concept of introduction agencies through a close friend here in my city, I had no idea how many services
exist. I spoke at length with AFA staffers, and met some in Ukraine, but I have never been to a social.
Sometimes I joke about being a half-Russophile, but I see in others the same affinity for other cultures and
relationship paradigms that I have for Eastern Europe. My wife and I met by accident, and I consider myself
just plain lucky.

While spending quite a bit of time listening in on Bud’s calls, I have developed the opinion that the tools are
out there to make your own luck – if you use good sense, and are decent and sincere.

The Longest Distance Relationship

When I hear people (mostly men) talk about why they look for a mate in a distant country, I normally hear the
reasons for their search framed in the negative, or see evidence of negativity in the story they tell. Things
like bitterness over divorce or failed relationships, disillusionment with dating in America, the inability to find
some one with compatible beliefs, and lack of time or money are pretty common themes. I want to turn the
story around for you, and tell you that in most of the world, people do socialize differently than we do.
Families are closer and stronger than in my experience here, and a stable, kind personality is much more
important than your income, your toys, your age, or even your looks.

Getting to know a person only long distance through correspondence and phone calls seems to be an
exercise in futility. Sooner or later you will probably come to the understanding that you can’t really know until
you go. Acknowledging that going “over there” is expensive and time consuming, and there are no
guarantees of success, I believe that for several reasons it is necessary. How can you really get to know
some one without exposure to the culture they live in every day? How can you be sure of their commitment
without meeting their family? There are several things an agency can bring to the table to help you decide
what you want or need in my opinion.
Some of them are:

1) An opportunity to travel with a support group from your own culture, for company and to help you sort
through your sometimes conflicting emotions.

2) Putting you in a room with prospects that want the same thing you do. This eliminates a few of the pitfalls
associated with folks who never really thought about a relationship with a foreigner, or about living
permanently in another country.

3)  A safety net of locals, to help you out of jams, and help you filter and understand what you see and hear.
I cannot stress enough the importance of this, especially when you don’t travel much or don’t speak the
language. When dealing with customs agents, police, taxi drivers, or a dating prospect, it can be very helpful
to have a contact to tell you what is normal, or when to run.

Making a life with some one from another culture can be a challenge, but it is a challenge I believe is
worthwhile. When I tell people about my own situation, I say that Vika and I have normal man/woman issues
common to every relationship. Women are just hardwired differently (thank God) than men. In addition, we
have cultural, language, and age issues to contend with. In working through all of this together, I could tell
you a thousand funny stories about how we communicate and resolve issues, but the important thing is that
we have become best friends in spite of them.

When thinking about a relationship with a foreigner, there are several cultural differences that I believe are
key. I found in my years of post-divorce dating here that most Americans, regardless of age, seem to build
escape hatches in their relationships, and tend to reserve parts of their married lives for themselves. Our
culture tends to praise and reward individuality and independence, while my wife’s tends to value a strong
family or relationships more. In my wife’s family (and I think in Ukrainian culture generally) they burn bridges
back to safety and their comfortable single life. Viktoriya had a good job, a family that is large and close-knit,
friends, and everything she needed, except what Eastern Europeans call her second half. She had many
reasons to stay in Ukraine, and only one reason to leave. We talk about and share everything, and no
subject is off limits.

Comments on the First Year

2009 was a watershed year for me in many ways. I flew again to Ukraine in January to help my beautiful wife
(then fiance’) Viktoriya with her visa interview in Kiev, and prepare to leave her friends and family to live in
America. We were married in March, interviewed for her green card in August, and traveled to Turkey in
October. Trips to Vegas, Gatlinburg, Nashville, Sarasota… the list goes on. We also experienced the
best/most productive year in my career, setting records for my position and company for revenue and assets
gathered. My father died late in the year, and with Viktoriya’s help and kindness I was encouraged to renew
relationships with relatives and friends that I hadn’t seen in years. It is amazing to me how important family is
to my wife, and how confused she is by the relatively solitary lives led by Americans sometimes.

Viktoriya and I met in late 2007 over dinner with mutual friends, here in Kentucky. I was more than a little
familiar with parts of Eastern Europe from my travels there for both business and charity. From the jump, I
found a real affinity for the culture, and a deep appreciation for the very different way people in that part of
the world seem to relate personally. After she returned to Ukraine, we had no contact at all until I traveled to
her home city as a tourist. We got reacquainted and were soon in daily contact. I returned several times and
met her entire family, participating in a much different courtship than I was familiar with here. There are times
that I am still surprised that she was ever interested in a guy seventeen years older than her, and that her
family has accepted me.

Adapting to life in our culture was a process full of surprises for Vika, and a few for me as well. She is a great
cook, and I am a huge (no pun intended) fan of most Ukrainian food. I still have a problem sometimes with the
very pungent salty fish she buys here, although the salty fish in Ukraine seems okay. She feels the same
about peanut butter. Although Vika has an apparent aversion to covering or refrigerating most cooked food,
the upside for me is that there is no shortage of it. There were also several appliance orientation sessions for
her here, and I get the same in Ukraine.

Vika had no drivers license when she arrived, and never saw the need for a car before. After a semester of
taking the bus to ESL (English as a second language) classes, she was determined to get her permit and
license even if it gave me a heart attack. She is happily driving a small car now, after much worry and drama.
Since she is driving instead of walking like back in Ukraine, she is constantly concerned about lack of
exercise. We joined a gym, and I have lost eighteen pounds in eight months of working out together. Vika
didn’t need to lose any weight, but feels better all the same. I can’t remember the last time a woman was so
honestly concerned with my health. Mind you, I have seen and read all the humorous stories about wives who
monitor their husband’s diet etc., and she doesn’t ever complain about what I eat or how much I exercise, but
I really appreciate that my health matters to her. She is surprised that I imagined she wouldn’t care about it.


It All  Depends on You


Now that I have probably overloaded you with information and bored you with detail, let me finish you off with
a piece of advice. Before you take another step towards meeting, dating, or marrying some one from a
foreign culture – take a step back and do a serious self-examination. Ask yourself if you have the courage to
visit another country, and give that culture its due? Are you truly committed to a serious and lifelong
relationship? How much patience do you have for language, culture, and age differences? And finally, what
exactly are your motives, and what are you really looking for? Be honest, because your future depends on it.

*Feel free to contact Brad and Viktoriya for more info through us at
translation@foreignbride101.com.  We'll pass it on!
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All Rights Reserved
Foreign Bride 101
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Read Brad and Viktoriya's Story

My friends Brad and Viktoria from
Kentucky share some insights on their
experience together!  Thank you both
for reaching out to those of us still in
the search!
Viktoriya and Brad... a lovely couple... a great story!