Thanks, Richard in Atlanta, one of our great Monday night listeners who alerted me to the show
“Email Order Brides” on National Geographic last week. Here’s a link to a segment from the
show as posted on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7jste1_fC4
Here’s an additional link from the National Geographic Channel:
http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/inside/3979/Overview
The show is scheduled to air again on Friday, September 18th, at 9pm EST.
When I first heard there was yet another network spinning the “Mail Order Bride” story I shook
my head in contempt. “Geez, here we go again,” I thought, bracing for what was sure to be
another stereotypical tabloid-esque crucifixion of the many good men and women in the foreign
bride experience. This was going to be reminiscent of the last major magazine incognito
Heraldo wannabe who signed on for a romance tour with AFA under the guise of “trying to find
the love of his life” only to return stateside and publish one of the worst, one-sided articles ever
written on so called “mail order brides” and the men who pursue them. Or maybe this would
more resemble the interview a major international women’s magazine did with my wife Viktoria
in 2002, in which she stated how happy she was, how lucky she felt that we had found each
other - only to have NONE of that appear in the eventual article. How many more such stories
will we have to endure until someone gets it right?
I was pleasantly surprised – not a bad job at all, NG! The parallel stories of two American
gentlemen corresponding with and ultimately meeting Russian women from Togliatti, Russia by
way of a company called “Volga Girl” was balanced, objective and interesting throughout. Here
we have 46 year old Gary, a 3rd grade school teacher from Las Vegas and James, a 36 year old
commercial diver on opposite ends of the foreign bride spectrum. Greg is awaiting the arrival of
his fiancée Olga who has recently received her K-1 fiancée visa. We learn that Greg and Olga
met through correspondence at the online agency Volga Girl, then spent three weeks together a
year and a half prior to Olga’s arrival in the US. I could have missed something, but I don’t
believe there was further time together between that first visit and Olga’s arrival into the US.
James, on the other hand, is just getting started but has traveled to Togliatti to meet a girl he had
been corresponding with for months, 30 year old Uliana, who has been with the agency for 5
years and lives rather unglamorously as a gas station attendant in this industrial city of over
700,000. Assisting with their initial introduction is a very personable agency office manager
named Elena Bessonova.
Mingled in with the parallel stories of two couples who appear to be successful, at least in
the beginning, is the all too familiar tragedy of Anastasia King, a Ukrainian girl murdered by her
American husband in 2000. (King’s case was one of several used to support the creation of
IMBRA by congress in 2006.) And what foreign bride expose would be complete without
commentary from the Tahiri Justice Center, an effective, well-intentioned group whose aim is to
protect the rights of immigrant women but whose claims that foreign brides are especially
susceptible to abuse are controversial… to say the least. (I’m going on record here as saying
that I don’t disagree with the intention behind IMBRA, nor with the many good things the Tahiri
Justice Center accomplishes for immigrant women every year. In fact, I thought the
spokeswoman in this particular episode seemed impartial and fair in most of what she said. So
sue me. I strongly disagree with the results of the congressional study cited in IMBRA which
labels all men in the foreign bride search as “manipulative and controlling.”)
There have been a few similarly balanced efforts to present the foreign bride search on
major networks before. I am loath to watch most of them but do occasionally enjoy hearing how
others have fared in their journey to find HER. There were some notable moments:
1. Gary did not travel to Russia to bring his fiancée back to America to live, something I highly
recommend guys do. He waited at the airport for her to arrive, NG camera crew in tow. When all
the passengers on Olga’s flight had cleared customs and retrieved their bags, she was
nowhere to be found. Unbeknownst to Gary, she was stuck in customs being grilled by officials
in what she described as another “fiancée visa interview,” something that could have been
avoided, or at least shortened considerably had Gary accompanied her through. It was funny to
watch the poor guy sweating out the wait for 2 hours, wondering if she’d just changed her mind
and decided not to come, until she finally appeared.
2. Another interesting note about the Gary and Olga couple: At one point he commented that
the sex between them had been great and that intimately they were very compatible. Later, as
they prepared for their small wedding ceremony, the narrator pointed out they’d both not said
they loved each other yet. I always find it fascinating – and usually not a good sign – when two
people consider themselves engaged in this process but do not say they are in love. From what
we see of them, they do seem to be very compatible and likely to succeed.
3. James seemed to have good first dates with Uliana, and her comments to the camera in
his absence seemed to indicate she really liked him – but after three weeks in her city he had yet
to “propose” and the narrator emphasized this several times. The story leaves you to believe
Uliana would have said yes – so viewers may wonder what the specific hang-up was. He did
seem to blow an excellent opportunity to bond with her family upon their first meeting.
Itappeared to be an incredibly awkward introduction.
4. The narrator comments at one point that of the over 2000 women who have joined the
agency – an average of 8 actually get married in a year’s time. 8 of 2000 – less than 1%!!!!! And
guys have a hard time believing me when I tell them that less than 5% of the men who look at
this thing actually ever get on a plane and go to meet someone.
5. The Tahiri spokeswoman at one point says that while many of the marriages between
foreign women and American men do go on and be successful the instances of abuse, when
they occur between international couples, are greater than in other relationships. The well-
documented cases behind IMBRA are indeed extreme and tragic but it was eyebrow -raising to
hear her admit that many foreign brides are in fact happy with their husbands. I wonder – how
does she know that?
6. At one point, another Volga Girl is interviewed and asked from off camera why she seeks a
foreign husband. She has been with this agency for over 5 years, we are told. As she relates
her frustration with local men and her deep desire to have a family and a child but does not want
that child to grow up without a father, she begins to cry. A very genuinely touching moment. I
hope Volga Girl’s phone was ringing off the wall for her the next day.
If you read the info at NG’s site – one very disturbing entry deserves to be called out: From the
site…
“TABOO MARRAIGES
· Arranged Marriages
· Some believe that arranged marriages are more successful than those of their western
counterparts. Arranged marriages rarely do end in divorce, possibly because the practice would
bring shame upon a girl’s family. In Cameroon, girls can be married off without their consent
once they’re over the age of 15 by law. Still, the laws aren’t always followed, and girls are
sometimes married off before the age of 15 in northern and rural areas of the country. From the
day a girl is married, she is considered to be the property of her husband and is not able to
collect inheritance if her husband dies. Sometimes, she will be forced to marry one of her
husband’s relatives.”
So, this is the major problem I have with IMBRA – it’s labeling of all international marriage
agencies as being of one ilk. Most agencies who have been labeled by IMBRA as “Marriage
Brokers” would vehemently reject that label, saying they not only DON’T broker marriages, they’re
not sure how a marriage is brokered if they could. The lumping of, for example, well-meaning,
integrity-driven American based IMA’s with dangerous, seedy enterprises from abroad is neither
accurate nor fair to the thousands of happy couples who meet every year through the work of an
IMA. What does the activity of a so-called marriage-broker in Cameroon have to do with a story
on Russian women coming to America via a reputable introduction service?
So Gary and Olga go on to settle in an focus on their future while James and Uliana put off a
greater commitment for another time. Their outcome is left undetermined though they meet
again in Egypt, we are told. It’s an interesting show, one I would recommend. I must admit I
found the story of Anastasia King to be seriously unsettling. Still, there’s much to learn from
others’ experiences and these are stories well told.
“Email Order Brides” on National Geographic last week. Here’s a link to a segment from the
show as posted on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7jste1_fC4
Here’s an additional link from the National Geographic Channel:
http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/inside/3979/Overview
The show is scheduled to air again on Friday, September 18th, at 9pm EST.
When I first heard there was yet another network spinning the “Mail Order Bride” story I shook
my head in contempt. “Geez, here we go again,” I thought, bracing for what was sure to be
another stereotypical tabloid-esque crucifixion of the many good men and women in the foreign
bride experience. This was going to be reminiscent of the last major magazine incognito
Heraldo wannabe who signed on for a romance tour with AFA under the guise of “trying to find
the love of his life” only to return stateside and publish one of the worst, one-sided articles ever
written on so called “mail order brides” and the men who pursue them. Or maybe this would
more resemble the interview a major international women’s magazine did with my wife Viktoria
in 2002, in which she stated how happy she was, how lucky she felt that we had found each
other - only to have NONE of that appear in the eventual article. How many more such stories
will we have to endure until someone gets it right?
I was pleasantly surprised – not a bad job at all, NG! The parallel stories of two American
gentlemen corresponding with and ultimately meeting Russian women from Togliatti, Russia by
way of a company called “Volga Girl” was balanced, objective and interesting throughout. Here
we have 46 year old Gary, a 3rd grade school teacher from Las Vegas and James, a 36 year old
commercial diver on opposite ends of the foreign bride spectrum. Greg is awaiting the arrival of
his fiancée Olga who has recently received her K-1 fiancée visa. We learn that Greg and Olga
met through correspondence at the online agency Volga Girl, then spent three weeks together a
year and a half prior to Olga’s arrival in the US. I could have missed something, but I don’t
believe there was further time together between that first visit and Olga’s arrival into the US.
James, on the other hand, is just getting started but has traveled to Togliatti to meet a girl he had
been corresponding with for months, 30 year old Uliana, who has been with the agency for 5
years and lives rather unglamorously as a gas station attendant in this industrial city of over
700,000. Assisting with their initial introduction is a very personable agency office manager
named Elena Bessonova.
Mingled in with the parallel stories of two couples who appear to be successful, at least in
the beginning, is the all too familiar tragedy of Anastasia King, a Ukrainian girl murdered by her
American husband in 2000. (King’s case was one of several used to support the creation of
IMBRA by congress in 2006.) And what foreign bride expose would be complete without
commentary from the Tahiri Justice Center, an effective, well-intentioned group whose aim is to
protect the rights of immigrant women but whose claims that foreign brides are especially
susceptible to abuse are controversial… to say the least. (I’m going on record here as saying
that I don’t disagree with the intention behind IMBRA, nor with the many good things the Tahiri
Justice Center accomplishes for immigrant women every year. In fact, I thought the
spokeswoman in this particular episode seemed impartial and fair in most of what she said. So
sue me. I strongly disagree with the results of the congressional study cited in IMBRA which
labels all men in the foreign bride search as “manipulative and controlling.”)
There have been a few similarly balanced efforts to present the foreign bride search on
major networks before. I am loath to watch most of them but do occasionally enjoy hearing how
others have fared in their journey to find HER. There were some notable moments:
1. Gary did not travel to Russia to bring his fiancée back to America to live, something I highly
recommend guys do. He waited at the airport for her to arrive, NG camera crew in tow. When all
the passengers on Olga’s flight had cleared customs and retrieved their bags, she was
nowhere to be found. Unbeknownst to Gary, she was stuck in customs being grilled by officials
in what she described as another “fiancée visa interview,” something that could have been
avoided, or at least shortened considerably had Gary accompanied her through. It was funny to
watch the poor guy sweating out the wait for 2 hours, wondering if she’d just changed her mind
and decided not to come, until she finally appeared.
2. Another interesting note about the Gary and Olga couple: At one point he commented that
the sex between them had been great and that intimately they were very compatible. Later, as
they prepared for their small wedding ceremony, the narrator pointed out they’d both not said
they loved each other yet. I always find it fascinating – and usually not a good sign – when two
people consider themselves engaged in this process but do not say they are in love. From what
we see of them, they do seem to be very compatible and likely to succeed.
3. James seemed to have good first dates with Uliana, and her comments to the camera in
his absence seemed to indicate she really liked him – but after three weeks in her city he had yet
to “propose” and the narrator emphasized this several times. The story leaves you to believe
Uliana would have said yes – so viewers may wonder what the specific hang-up was. He did
seem to blow an excellent opportunity to bond with her family upon their first meeting.
Itappeared to be an incredibly awkward introduction.
4. The narrator comments at one point that of the over 2000 women who have joined the
agency – an average of 8 actually get married in a year’s time. 8 of 2000 – less than 1%!!!!! And
guys have a hard time believing me when I tell them that less than 5% of the men who look at
this thing actually ever get on a plane and go to meet someone.
5. The Tahiri spokeswoman at one point says that while many of the marriages between
foreign women and American men do go on and be successful the instances of abuse, when
they occur between international couples, are greater than in other relationships. The well-
documented cases behind IMBRA are indeed extreme and tragic but it was eyebrow -raising to
hear her admit that many foreign brides are in fact happy with their husbands. I wonder – how
does she know that?
6. At one point, another Volga Girl is interviewed and asked from off camera why she seeks a
foreign husband. She has been with this agency for over 5 years, we are told. As she relates
her frustration with local men and her deep desire to have a family and a child but does not want
that child to grow up without a father, she begins to cry. A very genuinely touching moment. I
hope Volga Girl’s phone was ringing off the wall for her the next day.
If you read the info at NG’s site – one very disturbing entry deserves to be called out: From the
site…
“TABOO MARRAIGES
· Arranged Marriages
· Some believe that arranged marriages are more successful than those of their western
counterparts. Arranged marriages rarely do end in divorce, possibly because the practice would
bring shame upon a girl’s family. In Cameroon, girls can be married off without their consent
once they’re over the age of 15 by law. Still, the laws aren’t always followed, and girls are
sometimes married off before the age of 15 in northern and rural areas of the country. From the
day a girl is married, she is considered to be the property of her husband and is not able to
collect inheritance if her husband dies. Sometimes, she will be forced to marry one of her
husband’s relatives.”
So, this is the major problem I have with IMBRA – it’s labeling of all international marriage
agencies as being of one ilk. Most agencies who have been labeled by IMBRA as “Marriage
Brokers” would vehemently reject that label, saying they not only DON’T broker marriages, they’re
not sure how a marriage is brokered if they could. The lumping of, for example, well-meaning,
integrity-driven American based IMA’s with dangerous, seedy enterprises from abroad is neither
accurate nor fair to the thousands of happy couples who meet every year through the work of an
IMA. What does the activity of a so-called marriage-broker in Cameroon have to do with a story
on Russian women coming to America via a reputable introduction service?
So Gary and Olga go on to settle in an focus on their future while James and Uliana put off a
greater commitment for another time. Their outcome is left undetermined though they meet
again in Egypt, we are told. It’s an interesting show, one I would recommend. I must admit I
found the story of Anastasia King to be seriously unsettling. Still, there’s much to learn from
others’ experiences and these are stories well told.
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