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| Candid, practical advice for men in the foreign bride search! |
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| Hi! Welcome to the Foreign Bride 101 blog! Here, I will share a few ideas, expand on a few questions I've been asked recently around the foreign bride search, and offer the most candid, relevant advice and information I have for nice guys like you! Enjoy your read - and check back weekly for more! |
January 25th, 2010
Back To Love
I read somewhere that "The strong are bound to protect the weak.” I believe that with all my heart.
Last week, I wrote here on the blog:
“Guys - the next blog will be on a topic very near to my heart! What tragedy has affected
more than a half million young women from Ukraine this past decade?”
Did you happen to see this late addition YouTube video I edited into a previous entry around
Russian/Ukrainian culture? This is the Russian singer Valeria (man, how can you NOT love Valeria!) with a
newer song called "Back To Love," written about the tragedy I’m alluding to above. Valeria has spoken to
the UN on this topic, having survived an abusive marriage before meeting the father of her four children.
Have a look… amazing lyrics...
Oh yea... make sure you're sitting down.
According to the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, “more than 500,000 women
from the former Soviet Union have been trafficked abroad in the past five years.” Yet another study
claims that many women have been taken from Ukraine alone:
From the High Road to Human Rights.Org web-site: “It is estimated that half million Ukrainian women
were trafficked abroad since 1991 (80% of all unemployed in Ukraine are women.)” That’s half a million
women from a country the size of Texas!
More from a “Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty’s article by journalist By Galina Stolyarova:
Women looking to work abroad are in a very difficult situation. The major problem, in our opinion, is the absence
of detailed bilateral agreements, between Russian and other countries, regulating immigration and work issues.
In many cases Russian women turn to so-called recruiting agencies, which arrange travel visas and promise
employment opportunities once the women are abroad. Instead, most women, upon arrival in the West, have their
documents confiscated by their handlers and are sold to bordellos with no remaining connection to the outside
world. In most instances, trafficking rings specializing in Russian women are operated by former Russian citizens
themselves. She says traffickers can receive between $200-$300 for each woman they deliver to a brothel. Russia's
trafficking problems are, in fact, two-fold. At the same time that many young Russian women are being sold into
prostitution rings abroad, women from countries like Moldova, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, and Kazakhstan are being
sold into slavery rings within Russia.
Ttraffickers go largely unpunished in Russia, which unlike many Western countries has no special legislation on
trafficking in its criminal code. Saint Petersburg lawyer Maria Sagitova says that although the sale of children under
the age of 18 is illegal in Russia, there are no special laws to protect women over 18 from being sold into prostitution
or slavery. In general, the Russian Criminal Code, as it stands now, does absolutely nothing to fight human
trafficking…
Very disturbing, very sobering… heart-wrenching material, right? So… what does a human interest
story like this have to do with the foreign bride experience? Well, if you ask me, PLENTY! Here’s why.
1. I think it’s important for us to understand completely the life circumstances that impact our foreign
women. Imagine being a single mom or a young lady of marrying age in the Former Soviet Union who’s
ready to settle down and start a family. What do you want for your children? A happy childhood, a loving
family environment, a dedicated father and a safe world in which to live. As a Ukrainian or Russian citizen,
the odds are stacked against your hopes from day one. Chances are the man you marry won’t remain
faithful and won’t be around to raise your children. If you have a daughter, no one will be there to protect
and provide for you except you – a woman – who struggles to find productive employment that pays
enough to provide security. As your daughter matures into a typically beautiful but impressionable teen
you must constantly be on guard to protect her from her own immaturity and innocence. An “offer” from
shadowy sources of lucrative work abroad can result in the unthinkable. How do you assure your daughter’
s safety in a world that desperately wants to harm her? Foreign women see such stories on their news
media every year. There is the great need to earn income – and the great danger that the wrong lead will
bring life-defining tragedy to a girl and her family. Not exactly the world you want your girl to grow up in,
right?
2. What’s not mentioned in this article – is that fictitious marriage agencies based in Russia and
Ukraine are sometimes a front used to lure unsuspecting women into capture. Yes, sometimes the ruse
traffickers use is the front of a fictitious marriage agency promising a chance to meet foreign men instead
of work. Occasionally, a man will report disappointment that a girl he has been writing to – and planning
to meet on an upcoming tour – has said she will be bringing her sister or mother with her when she comes
from afar to the tour destination for their first face-to-face. “If her family is going to be around when we
meet,” he’ll complain, “we’re obviously not going to have much fun together.” I can imagine what kind of
“fun” he’s thinking of. A smart man will not only be understanding and supportive of her bringing mom
or big sister along, but take advantage of the opportunity to make a terrific impression on the very folks
whose support she will not make this leap without. Rather than be selfish and worried you won’t get to
“try before you buy,” think outside the box – literally – and embrace the bigger picture. Make reasonable
accommodations for her and her family and have a great time getting to know your potential new in-laws.
Handle this with class and you’ll leave the right impression and earn the support of her family later on if
the two of you decide to make it permanent.
3. We can save a life! Think about the implications of marrying a woman from Russia or Ukraine and
raising her daughter as your own, or your daughter together, in the security and promise of America. It’s
not like Ukraine or Russia are completely horrible places to live and grow up. There are advantages to life
in the FSU – young people can have one of the world’s best university educations completely free, for
example. Medical care is far more affordable in the FSU than it is here, though the quality is not always as
good, for sure. But here children are safe, nurtured and loved. Culturally, many American men desire the
role of father and provider and protector. Recession not-withstanding, there are job opportunities for
people of all ages. We can alter one’s path; providing hope and promise and security. All we have to do is
fall in love and be the men our foreign ladies want us to be. We can be strong, family-oriented, hard-
working men from a society where we are measured by the security and well-being of our wives and
children.
I deeply desire to help as many truly “nice guys” find the courage inside to move out of self-doubt and
into self-realization in the foreign bride search. Every nice guy who gets his butt on the plane is one less
lonely foreign lady in the FSU – and maybe one tragedy for her children that is never given the chance to
happen. We are bound to protect the weak and vulnerable in this world, we men of character, family-
values and fortitude. We can do so just by being us - and by finding HER!
Sources: http://www.rferl.org/content/article/1096513.html
http://www.highroadforhumanrights.org/education/slavery.htm
Back To Love
I read somewhere that "The strong are bound to protect the weak.” I believe that with all my heart.
Last week, I wrote here on the blog:
“Guys - the next blog will be on a topic very near to my heart! What tragedy has affected
more than a half million young women from Ukraine this past decade?”
Did you happen to see this late addition YouTube video I edited into a previous entry around
Russian/Ukrainian culture? This is the Russian singer Valeria (man, how can you NOT love Valeria!) with a
newer song called "Back To Love," written about the tragedy I’m alluding to above. Valeria has spoken to
the UN on this topic, having survived an abusive marriage before meeting the father of her four children.
Have a look… amazing lyrics...
Oh yea... make sure you're sitting down.
According to the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, “more than 500,000 women
from the former Soviet Union have been trafficked abroad in the past five years.” Yet another study
claims that many women have been taken from Ukraine alone:
From the High Road to Human Rights.Org web-site: “It is estimated that half million Ukrainian women
were trafficked abroad since 1991 (80% of all unemployed in Ukraine are women.)” That’s half a million
women from a country the size of Texas!
More from a “Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty’s article by journalist By Galina Stolyarova:
Women looking to work abroad are in a very difficult situation. The major problem, in our opinion, is the absence
of detailed bilateral agreements, between Russian and other countries, regulating immigration and work issues.
In many cases Russian women turn to so-called recruiting agencies, which arrange travel visas and promise
employment opportunities once the women are abroad. Instead, most women, upon arrival in the West, have their
documents confiscated by their handlers and are sold to bordellos with no remaining connection to the outside
world. In most instances, trafficking rings specializing in Russian women are operated by former Russian citizens
themselves. She says traffickers can receive between $200-$300 for each woman they deliver to a brothel. Russia's
trafficking problems are, in fact, two-fold. At the same time that many young Russian women are being sold into
prostitution rings abroad, women from countries like Moldova, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, and Kazakhstan are being
sold into slavery rings within Russia.
Ttraffickers go largely unpunished in Russia, which unlike many Western countries has no special legislation on
trafficking in its criminal code. Saint Petersburg lawyer Maria Sagitova says that although the sale of children under
the age of 18 is illegal in Russia, there are no special laws to protect women over 18 from being sold into prostitution
or slavery. In general, the Russian Criminal Code, as it stands now, does absolutely nothing to fight human
trafficking…
Very disturbing, very sobering… heart-wrenching material, right? So… what does a human interest
story like this have to do with the foreign bride experience? Well, if you ask me, PLENTY! Here’s why.
1. I think it’s important for us to understand completely the life circumstances that impact our foreign
women. Imagine being a single mom or a young lady of marrying age in the Former Soviet Union who’s
ready to settle down and start a family. What do you want for your children? A happy childhood, a loving
family environment, a dedicated father and a safe world in which to live. As a Ukrainian or Russian citizen,
the odds are stacked against your hopes from day one. Chances are the man you marry won’t remain
faithful and won’t be around to raise your children. If you have a daughter, no one will be there to protect
and provide for you except you – a woman – who struggles to find productive employment that pays
enough to provide security. As your daughter matures into a typically beautiful but impressionable teen
you must constantly be on guard to protect her from her own immaturity and innocence. An “offer” from
shadowy sources of lucrative work abroad can result in the unthinkable. How do you assure your daughter’
s safety in a world that desperately wants to harm her? Foreign women see such stories on their news
media every year. There is the great need to earn income – and the great danger that the wrong lead will
bring life-defining tragedy to a girl and her family. Not exactly the world you want your girl to grow up in,
right?
2. What’s not mentioned in this article – is that fictitious marriage agencies based in Russia and
Ukraine are sometimes a front used to lure unsuspecting women into capture. Yes, sometimes the ruse
traffickers use is the front of a fictitious marriage agency promising a chance to meet foreign men instead
of work. Occasionally, a man will report disappointment that a girl he has been writing to – and planning
to meet on an upcoming tour – has said she will be bringing her sister or mother with her when she comes
from afar to the tour destination for their first face-to-face. “If her family is going to be around when we
meet,” he’ll complain, “we’re obviously not going to have much fun together.” I can imagine what kind of
“fun” he’s thinking of. A smart man will not only be understanding and supportive of her bringing mom
or big sister along, but take advantage of the opportunity to make a terrific impression on the very folks
whose support she will not make this leap without. Rather than be selfish and worried you won’t get to
“try before you buy,” think outside the box – literally – and embrace the bigger picture. Make reasonable
accommodations for her and her family and have a great time getting to know your potential new in-laws.
Handle this with class and you’ll leave the right impression and earn the support of her family later on if
the two of you decide to make it permanent.
3. We can save a life! Think about the implications of marrying a woman from Russia or Ukraine and
raising her daughter as your own, or your daughter together, in the security and promise of America. It’s
not like Ukraine or Russia are completely horrible places to live and grow up. There are advantages to life
in the FSU – young people can have one of the world’s best university educations completely free, for
example. Medical care is far more affordable in the FSU than it is here, though the quality is not always as
good, for sure. But here children are safe, nurtured and loved. Culturally, many American men desire the
role of father and provider and protector. Recession not-withstanding, there are job opportunities for
people of all ages. We can alter one’s path; providing hope and promise and security. All we have to do is
fall in love and be the men our foreign ladies want us to be. We can be strong, family-oriented, hard-
working men from a society where we are measured by the security and well-being of our wives and
children.
I deeply desire to help as many truly “nice guys” find the courage inside to move out of self-doubt and
into self-realization in the foreign bride search. Every nice guy who gets his butt on the plane is one less
lonely foreign lady in the FSU – and maybe one tragedy for her children that is never given the chance to
happen. We are bound to protect the weak and vulnerable in this world, we men of character, family-
values and fortitude. We can do so just by being us - and by finding HER!
Sources: http://www.rferl.org/content/article/1096513.html
http://www.highroadforhumanrights.org/education/slavery.htm
