Another great question I was asked to expand upon last Monday night, from one of our great listeners – was read to me from right out of my book “Foreign Bride 101:”

     “My foreign bride and I have spent considerable time together, have become intimate and are applying for the fiancee visa together.  Yet, despite all this, she refuses to say she loves me.  She says it’s too early.  Does this make sense?”

     This question raises an eyebrow from first time readers – and guys who have yet to meet foreign women.  “Is that actually possible?  Does that actually happen – that a foreign girl will go through all the correct motions, the dating, courtship and fiancee visa process and NOT be ready to declare her love to me?”  The answer, again based on hundreds of couples I have helped through this process – is YES – but not often.  Experience has shown that when a foreign woman is hesitant to say she loves her guy but is willing to be intimate, work through the fiancee visa process and eventually relocate to another country – she probably has her eye on something other than the dream of love you have in mind.  That “something”  - would be your wallet.  

     Once again, boys, I am talking about only a handful of guys out of hundreds of others who otherwise encountered no such hesitation on the part of the girl – because they were good guys who met good girls who demonstarted a healthy love and respect for each other.  But in the event you ever meet  a foreign girl who just cannot give her heart completely ( and give these ladies credit for being honest at least,) you could be headed for disaster once your girl arrives in the US if her expectations are not in line with your reality. 

      This kind of hesitation on the part of the lady can be expressed in several ways and certainly before any kind of intimacy occurs.  There was the gentleman who made his way to Odessa to meet a woman he had been writing to for several months.  He had planned to spend three weeks there – to take his girl on a Black Sea vacation – romance was definitely in the air.  He asked me about taking a ring.  I advised him to go modest.  (Modest turned out to be $10K.) So he got on the plane, met the girl and everything was fine until she told him within hours of his arrival that “Oh, by the way – there’s not going to be any sex during your visit.”  CRASH!! 

      I am by no means suggesting one can expect sex during any visit with foreign women or on romance tours etc – again, I am following my basic Christian beliefs here.  But being told upfront that his girl was completely closing herself off to the possibility of falling in love was the complete opposite reaction he was hoping to get when they finally met after weeks of writing.   At one point she doubted he made enough money to support a family.  (His annual income was quite sufficient.) Obviously, once he realized she was not trying to fall in love – at least not with him – he moved on.  Lesson learned:  do not travel to any foreign city to visit only one girl.  Plan on meeting at least a few ladies so if one exhibits squirrly behavior or a hesitance to fall in love with you – you can focus your attention on someone who will be happy to reciprocate.

     Look, most foreign women want to fall in love and give themselves to you completely – and they want the same from you. A few will be more focused on getting some unsuspecting, lonely guy to send them money and will allow enough coursthip to achieve this.  Fewer still, will be hoping for a lavish lifestyle when they come to America and will pursue marriage to a foreign guy – not for citizenship – but for material gain.  This is especially possible when the age difference exceeds 20 years.  Again, and I have said this many times – these women are easy to spot because they will present “red-flags” of warning throughout the early stages of your relationship.  One needs only to recognize red-flags for what they are and act decisively.  

     The real confusion occurs – and for good reason – when the ONLY red-flag behavior is her reluctance to say she has fallen in love AFTER intimacy and commitment have been established.  How terribly frustrating it must feel when you believe you’ve found the once-in-a-lifetime woman you love enough to consider spending your life with, with whom intimacy is powerful and far-reaching, and whom you enjoy and admire and feel such strong attraction to – only to never  hear those three precious and life-defining words from her lips.  I’m telling you right now – if you ever find yourself in that situation – you must have the brevity to move on because something is seriously not right.  Foreign women want to fall in love – want to express their love and they know how to do it.  If you wanted to be left begging for affection and burdened by insecurity you don’t exactly have to leave familiar shores for that – right?

     I tell guys all the the time – in order to really succeed in the foreign bride experience you have to be a sincere nice guy, with good old fashioned family values, and a healthy respect for women.  You have to be a bit of a maverick, a risk-taker, (though the risks are marginal if you take the right steps along the way,) a promise-keeper and a bit of an adventurer.  If you are all of these and part of that elusive 3% of guys who actually get their tails on a plane to go and meet some of these rare and lovely women – you can win the heart of a beautiful, dedicated girl.  If you are all that – then you should go and have the experience you want to have with no letdowns.  God knows the 15 million surplus women in the former FSU alone, and countless others in Latin American and Asian cities would love to meet someone like you and wouldn’t hesitate to say they love you when the time is right.  You should not settle for less than the best love experience of your life.  At any point in the journey if you have to beg for consideration and affection – even well into the fiancee visa period – you have to have the courage to move on.  NO REALLY GOOD GUY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO WAIT TO HEAR “I LOVE YOU” FROM HIS FOREIGN GIRL!  Too many exciting, serious women are waiting for you to find them.