I have to share this with you guys.

 
Quite often, while conducting my work for couples in the foreign bride experience, I run across something so simple yet so humbling and impressive it causes me to stop whatever I am in the middle of and reflect on why I love being the international love guru I am.  Seriously – I had such a moment this past week – in the form of a “Dear John” letter. 

 
Viktoria and I are working with a client; I’ll call him John – a handsome, super nice 50-something Dental Surgeon from the Midwest.  John has committed to traveling abroad soon in search of his life-partner and has his eye on the women of the FSU (Former Soviet Union.)  Viktoria and I have met with John to conduct a formal interview and shoot a video and questionnaire which is now being circled around the globe on his behalf.  The affiliate agencies abroad receive his bio, photos, video, etc and write back to us with ladies profile numbers who might be interested in corresponding with our client.  We notify him of who has their eye on him and invite him to write any or all of them. For more information about A Foreign Affair’s Executive Global Match Service – go here:

 
http://www.executiveglobalmatch.com/

 
John was a little nervous about what exactly to write in a first letter to a foreign lady, having not done that before.  I gave him a few pointers and he sent over this letter, for a lovely 30-something lady (I’ll name her Anna) from Kharkov, Ukraine.  This is a great example of how to write a perfect first letter which is sincere and attention-grabbing but not too overbearing in what it asks of the lady recipient.  I am including it here to show all you guys who want to correspond with ladies one possible format to use.

 
Hello Dear Anna:

 
Thank you for your letter and interest in my profile!  I am very happy to be writing you and hope we can correspond and possibly talk in the near future.   I liked your profile and pictures very much.  You have a terrific smile and lovely eyes.  Obviously, you live a healthy, active lifestyle.  Thank you for including those pictures that are in your profile.  They are great!  It seems impossible to look at them and not feel your happiness. I like what you wrote about treating people with kindness, as I think this is a very important quality.  I do not like angry or aggressive people.  Family and friends are very important and should be treated with respect at all times.  I can’t wait to have my own wife and children to love and be proud of every day.

 
I see that you are a designer and that you like to sew.  It’s very interesting!  I can imagine that you sew very nicely.  What do you like to sew?  As you probably know, I am in the medical profession. I work with patients every day who are under stress and need a calm, strong and capable person to help them. I find it rather incredible that someone as attractive as you could somehow be single and available anywhere in the world but I am glad you joined the agency.  I live in a great city in a nice neighborhood in Ohio.  I live alone in a cozy house that allows me time to relax after a busy day. I decided recently to try to find my life-partner and soul-mate through an agency like this because I have just not been able for some reason to find her here.  I work very hard and it has not been easy for me to meet someone who is kind, happy, soft, understanding and family-oriented as I am.  I have a wonderful mom and sister but so far I have never been married nor have I any children.  I am happy, I love life and all of God’s blessings and feel I would be a good husband and father.  I am gentle, soft-spoken, tender and very slow to anger and like you, I enjoy an active, healthy lifestyle.  I enjoy quiet times at home reading a good book but I also enjoy jogging, canoeing or biking in the park.   I understand your city is also very interesting.  I think it would be great to visit Ukraine someday.  I want to say that I am serious about my intentions to find someone and would certainly travel abroad in the future when the time comes.  What do you like to do in your city?  Are you from Kharkov originally?

 
Again, Anna, thank you for reading my letter.  I hope you see something here you like and will write me back.  I would be happy to hear from you and to know more about you!

 
Sincerely, 
John

 
Great first letter – and my Viktoria translated and sent it off to Anna.  Less than 48 hours later – he got this GREAT reply.  As you read below, take notice of her careful wording, her calm confidence, her sincere interest in him and the specific things he wrote to her.  It is so hard to describe to men the creative, romantic, poetic way Russian and Ukrainian women express themselves.  It’s incredibly charming and the product of a society that values art, culture, expression and love!

John,

 
Thank you for the letter! I could sense much warmth in it. It was as if I heard your voice, its rich and soft timbre.  I am glad that my pictures managed to reflect my inner state. I really try to be and feel happy. The formula of happiness is really simple for me. I believe you will agree with me. I am happy because me and my closest people are alive and healthy. I am happy since I can rejoice at simple things that surround us and find the mighty divine wisdom in them. With the help of my work I can bring positive emotions to people. I try to stick to the rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself”. I have good friends, whose friendship is time-tested.  I simply try to be a good person and live in harmony with myself and people around me. But I don’t have my own family. To be more precise (if to talk about my past) I had a wonderful, genius, kind man by my side. He was my faithful friend, my husband. He has not been with us for already ten years. I am a widow. That was a great tragedy. It took me great moral strength and much work at myself to overcome that tragedy. But I am thankful to God and destiny for those wonderful four years that I spent with my husband.  The terrible ordeal that I underwent made me stronger and I know that the real value is the faithful friend around and family. Human life if the most valuable gift of God and it can be so fragile and only people who love each other can support each other. I am an idealist.

You are surprised. You wonder how an attractive woman like me can still be alone. Actually I can say that it is incredible for me as well. But I think you will agree with me that to find the soul mate is a very desirable gift so it is very important to be able to wait. This can last for months and even years but once this happens, one will understand that everything has happen in the right time. 10 years of loneliness. Out of those 10 – 3 years of sorrow, pain and anxiety.  And then simply life. The absence of the soul mate by my side I try to indemnify by communication with friends. I am a sociable and friendly person.
 Another way of compensation is work. I work much. Besides, John, I am your colleague. I graduated from the medical college, I am a nurse. That is why I combine the work of a fashion designer and nurse. I do the night watch in the cardiology centre. When I help people I get the spiritual satisfaction. When I make clothes I bring esthetical pleasure to the client. That is why I can say that I am content with my life and I am happy with it. But all this is the indemnity of the beloved person. Because you know, only in the family one can realize his/her personality, his/her ability to respect, compassionate, sacrifice, forgive, submit. And for me it is most important to remain faithful and devoted. I am family-oriented. The person who is successful in family is successful in all other life spheres. That is why I can’t say that I am totally successful. 

While being alone I graduated from the Department of Practical Psychology. However I have not yet considered realizing myself in this field. I have two wonderful nephews and take part in their education. I discuss their problems with them and I am very glad that they ask me for a piece of advice and trust me. This is how I fill the gap of my loneliness – by work, studies, communication with friends and close people. I am also a very calm person who is not easy to infuriate. I can get angry at outrageous injustice, ignorance and stupidity. I also like to spend time over an interesting book or listening to pleasant music.
You say that for some reasons you can’t find your second half. I will tell you that similarities get attracted to each other. I believe in this. Having turned to the agency we have broadened our opportunities and have given an opportunity to the lucky chance. Everything will be fine. I am sure.

In my next letter I will tell you about my city and will attach the pictures. Just write to me. I will be looking forward to hearing from you. I am glad that the distance does not scare you away. And although we are so far away from each other, our thoughts, senses, desires and feelings are so similar and close.  Agencies were created for people, who really are very busy, who do not squander their gifts on trifles and value time.

Sincerely,
Anna

 
Now imagine guys – you wake up one morning, check your email and you get a letter like this!  I am not including her profile here because I want to protect the opportunity for them both to focus on getting to know each other – but trust me – you’d love to write her.  She’s very shapely, very lovely!  John helped himself a lot by writing a letter that sounds very natural, very confident but also a little risky in mentioning that at 55, he has no real idea how he has failed to meet the right person.  Anna responds in kind – she’s lonely but not desperate.  Yet she realizes at some point she will need to move beyond the unfortunate tragedy that took her husband away and reach out for love once more –and she tells that to John so beautifully.  These are real letters!  Written only this week!  His first to her, her first to him – and this is a GREAT start to what will no doubt be a very rewarding correspondence.

 
I am sharing this with you to show you the possibilities both in what you can expect in correspondence and how quickly, with a little honest effort, YOU can find some spectacular, lonely person who would love to come home after a hard day of work, turn on her computer to check email and see she has been discovered by a nice man like you!
“Just write me.” She says.  Real people, real discovery – it happens so often in this amazing process.  Be a part of it! 

When Your Letters Get No Response

I am asked all the time why some men’s efforts to correspond with foreign ladies go unanswered.  Some guys can send off three letters, get three responses right away and be exchanging regular correspondence every other day with lovely, interesting ladies.  Others will voice frustration at getting virtually no response from any of a dozen ladies they have attempted to contact. Why do some succeed and some fail in making an impression strong enough to motivate a girl write back?  Let’s look at three critical pieces of the correspondence puzzle.

1. WHAT IS THE BUSINESS MODEL YOU ARE TRYING TO OPERATE FROM?
   In other words, what resource(s) are you using to get foreign girls contact info?  More than likely you’re finding profiles on the internet from services that offer you different levels of correspondence at varied prices.  You’re probably choosing between a standard email option or a “hands-on” expedited service which promises to deliver your letters personally and quickly.  International Marriage Agencies (IMA’s) and dating sites alike make the bulk of their livelihood from correspondence services, phone translation calls and flower and gift deliveries.  Having reliable contact info for their client women is crucial for their bottom line so problems with ladies information usually get immediate attention.  Why then, do your letters seem to not get through to the ladies you’ve reached out to? If your chosen ladies were interested, wouldn’t they want to write back as soon as possible?  And if they were not – wouldn’t it be polite to write and tell you so?

     At the heart of every IMA’s business model is a keen awareness of IMBRA’s (International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act) requirements around correspondence.  In March, 2006, President Bush signed into law and act requiring businesses that “broker” marriages – an unfair and inaccurate stereotype stamped on reputable introduction services like A Foreign Affair of Phoenix, Arizona – must acquire certain background information on all male clients prior to allowing personal contact with their client foreign women.  This background data must be read and APPROVED by any foreign girl PRIOR to receiving letters and emails through the agency.  IMA’s like AFA must adhere strictly to IMBRA requirements – penalties are stiff for breaking a law most would agree was designed to put them out of business.  Typically – agencies have to assure that a foreign girl’s contact info and correspondence only be exchanged with an approved client.  To protect themselves – many agencies monopolize correspondence between male and female clients. Others, AFA included, will ultimately allow personal contact information to be exchanged upon receipt of a signed statement from the intended female recipient.  Most would agree that exchanging email directly would be quicker than working through an agency – but the law is what it is – and no smart agency would ignore it. Men wishing to correspond with women whose profiles are posted at IMA web-sites like www.loveme.com will have to allow the confirmation process to complete itself – and be thankful there are still agencies like AFA out there to bring profiles to us.

    When a male client sends emails and express emails through an agency site – the possible delays in returns could be due to several factors:  a) The agency may not have the girl’s most recent email address, b) the intended girl may not have an email address and must visit the foreign agency office to pick up or read email, or c) in some cases – a foreign agency office is slow to allow for personal information to be exchanged so as to benefit from ongoing correspondence through their staff.  Ask your IMA – “How often do you update your profiles and email addresses?”  “What assurances can you offer that she is getting my emails and express emails?” “Who is the point of contact for your foreign partners or offices and how can I work with him/her to assure my letters are getting through?”  Straight-up answers to these questions will help you build trust that your correspondence investment is in the right hands.”  Most agencies want you to use their services repeatedly, and will be most helpful in getting your letters to the girl – at that point it will be up to her to do her part to keep correspondence going.

2.  WHAT ARE YOU WRITING IN YOUR LETTERS THAT MAY BE PREVENTING YOU FROM GETTING A RESPONSE?
     A lot of what men write in their letters to foreign girls will depend on their overall impression of them and their true reasons for joining an IMA.  It will also depend on how sincere the men are about ultimately getting on a plane to go and meet the women they are writing to.  THOUSANDS of keyboard romeos write letters to foreign women every day with no real intention of ever going anywhere other than their living rooms to find love.  Foreign women learn how to separate the doers from the thinkers.  If you haven’t decided that your correspondence will likely lead you to another country to meet an exceptional person – maybe you should think twice about writing.  I wrote in my book, “Foreign Bride 101” the best opening line in the first letter to a foreign girl is simply something like  “Hello, my name is___________ and I am writing you because I plan to visit your city later this year. I decided recently to try to meet a special person with whom I could fall in love, marry and start a family.   I hope we can get to know each other and possibly meet then.” 

     Think about all the opening lines that girl may have read – especially if she is very attractive, or has a particularly interesting profile and photos.  I promise you many guys will write silly things like “Hi my name is _________ . I saw your profile and you look really hot.  I am looking to meet a nice girl for some fun times – nothing too serious – just a mutual good time when I come to your city next month. If you are interested, write back.”  Typically – they don’t.  Then there’s the “I know this is our first letter but I think I am in love with you already” crowd  -  guys who write seemingly harmless things like “I would love to hold you in my arms someday.”  Nothing wrong with that after you have met – but generally a weird thing for them to read in the first few letters.  Are you asking them about sex?  Bad idea – again after you’ve met and fallen in love it’s pretty much anything goes.  Guys will sometimes ask a girl if she is ready to relocate and come to live in America with them – IN THE FIRST LETTER!  I can just hear the foreign girl thinking “Well… HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW?” I remember one beautiful girl from Tomsk telling me  of the many letters she got from men essentially asking her if she would be willing to leave her two sons in Russia in order to have life with them in America.  Sorry, guys – but that’s just freakin’ dumb!

     I have asked hundreds of women what they want in correspondence from a guy – and they unanimously say they want to meet men who are serious, sincere gentlemen, ready to take steps toward meeting if the two of you decide you like each other and have much in common.  Then write about your basic interests – and be sure to ask plenty about her – what she likes to eat, what her favorite films are, what her hobbies and interests are.  Throw in a tasteful compliment or two – pretty basic stuff, right?  Also – avoid long letters.  At the nd of a long work day the last thing a woman wants to open up in her email is foreign love’s equivalent to a Congressional filibuster or the history of man since time began.  3 paragraphs tops would be good – especially if she does not speak English and will need to get it translated.

3.  Finally –  WHO ARE YOU WRITING TO?
   Despite all that you read at foreign bride and IMA web-sites – foreign women are generally seeking someone within 15 – 20 years of their age TOPS!  There may be a few exceptions to this – but only a few.  I have asked hundreds of foreign women about their age preferences and they will tell me consistently they prefer 12 – 15 years but would consider as much as 20 for someone young and vital at heart – active and energetic.  Some guys write ONLY to the top 1% of foreign beauty queens under the age of 23 – girls typically 30 years or more younger than they.  When they get no or little response they are the first to yell “SCAM!”  It’s as if some guys want only the fantasy of a young, gullible, agreeable trophy wife or they want no part of this at all.  There are plenty of gorgeous, wonderful ladies over age 25 who maybe regarded at a 9.5 on a scale of 1 – 10 who should be more than good enough for most of us every day joe’s – and if we can wrap our minds around a realistic idea of who our foreign bride should be – it will save us a whole lot of money and frustration in time. Generally, you should avoid profiles of women who are showing too much (respectful foreign girls really don’t do this,) or who are serious candidates for Victoria’s Secret.  Seek out the more realistic, believable and lovely profiles of women who are more likely to be affected by your letter.  Women will probably not write to men they don’t view as being from their generation.

     For more great ideas on how to correspond effectively with lovely foreign ladies – please read my book “Foreign Bride 101.”