S NOVIM GODIM EVERYONE!
2008 passed about as quickly as a year can for us. I am amazed that 2009 is here already. Like last year I have a list of must-do’s for the next 12 months –and maintaining this blog and site is right up there. As many of you know, I have a very specific purpose for being here, as outlined in my Mission Statement. That purpose is to empower as many good men and women in the foreign bride search to find one another, fall in love, get married and live together happily fulfilled. To that end, I do an awful lot to correct the dominant misperceptions we men and women have about each other in order to give you the knowledge and courage to take the shortest possible path to that life-defining love that awaits you. I want to help as many guys meet as many foreign ladies as humanly possible this year – so let’s get started on the first entry of 09. I am committed to updating this weekly with an important message for all you serious foreign-bride-finders out there, so be sure to check back for some solid, reliable info that should make this journey easier for you.
If you have read my book and blogs or listened in on Monday nights* you have heard me warn time and again of the dangers of seeking a foreign bride who is too young or inexperienced to be taken seriously. I tend to beat the theoretical dead horse on this topic until my readers and listeners are groaning for me to please stop and move on to the next topic. I do this because too many serious guys are confused by the mixed messages they receive on the age topic from International Marriage Agency web-sites who rely heavily upon fantasy marketing to attract their audience. We read time and again that foreign ladies don’t mind marrying older gentlemen. That is definitely true but the question of “how much older” is where the waters get murky. I am always quick to point out that the hundreds of foreign women I have met or interviewed since 2001 consistently tell me they want to meet a man no more than 15 – 17 years their age, a man from the “same generation” as they often put it. “Otherwise,” they tell me, “he will not feel secure in our relationship in his later years. I want him to be secure and not jealous.” Very mature reasoning, yes? Yet, as steadfast as foreign women are – especially Eastern European women – on the age difference issue, women in their late 20’s, 30’s and 40’s tend to be more receptive to men over 50 under one condition – and that condition is – you’ve met in person.
Guys tell me they sometimes struggle to get women to write them back while trying pre-romance tour correspondence. Then they go on a tour and meet plenty of women who were more than eager to meet them happy to date them. So what’s up with that? Why was it so hard to get responses in writing but no problem at all to find enthusiastic, interested women at the socials? Everyone’s circumstances are unique, of course but sometimes the answer lies in age perception. Here’s how it goes.
Men in Russia and Ukraine have an average life expectancy of 55 – 58 years. A lot of social factors have an impact here such as poor healthcare, bad habits like drinking and smoking, and perpetual alcoholism. Keep in mind that due to the relatively low number of English speaking men who visit these foreign countries every year, most foreign ladies are not going to be very exposed to the rather good health of middle-aged men in America as compared to our Russian and Ukrainian counterparts. The reality is foreign men have a longer health span and are often considerably healthier and more active than the men these women know in their own culture. But so many foreign ladies will never see that – unless you get your butt on the planer and go show them! Countless times have I seen a lady whose profile said she wanted only men up to age 40 completely throw that out the window when standing face to face at a social with a handsome, fit 50 something gentleman. Of course if we remember to send pictures with our correspondence showing our trim physiques and strong countenances that will help us catch their attention. If we mention our activities like ballroom dancing, jogging, karate or bowling that will help paint the picture of health we occupy but otherwise the ladies will never know our strengths unless we seize the opportunity to catch their eye in person.
I remember an interpreter who introduced a girlfriend to a tour client – hoping he would take notice of her and ask her out. The guy asked for the girl’s number and said he would call. He was 50, she was in her late 20’s. When he ran into the interpreter a few days later, she asked him if he called her girlfriend as he promised to. He did not, he told her. “Why not? She really liked you! I’m sure she waited very eagerly for your call?” “I’m sorry,” he said “but the more I thought about it, the more I felt I was just too old for her. She’s incredibly beautiful – I can’t imagine she’d really be interested in a guy like me.” (Ah another splintered self-image – the product of too much American dating.) “Well, of course she could be happy with you,” the interpreter said, “don’t be so stupid.” As it turned out he got a second chance and met someone who really appreciated him.
I read an article recently that claimed America’s 61 is the new 45, and that men in America are starting to invest significant time and resources to their health and fitness after 40. One such man – and one of my favorite clients, was a successful commercial construction business owner from Massachusetts who booked himself a 5 city tour in hopes of finding a life-partner after losing his beloved wife of many years. Tom was 61 at the time, and hadn’t dated since his 20’s. He was incredibly nervous about the foreign bride process and wanted to go slowly and meet as many ladies as possible before even thinking of getting serious. He called me virtually every day for the last month prior to his tour departure to cover small, insignificant details. I could tell he was having serious second-thoughts. When I met Tom for the first time at JFK on our way to St. Petersburg – I just shook my head and smiled. “Tom,” I said, “no way are you going to make it through 5 cities on this tour before some girl grabs on to you and just refuses to let go.” He looked incredible for his age. He had no idea how successful he would be when he met the ladies in person, but I definitely did. Later on while still in St. Pete he introduced me to the lovely 33 year old redhead he was completely happy with, and informed me he was taking her with him to all the other cities as a kind of vacation for the two of them. He couldn’t stop smiling and neither could she. Yet a lot of ladies might have balked at writing back to a man who probably outlived their father.
All you over 45 guys still on the fence because you haven’t been getting the kind of reaction to your letters you’d like – don’t read too much into it. Try to realize that foreign ladies have only the lives right in front of them from which to form opinions about us, kind of the way we have only our American dating experiences to try and understand if lovely foreign ladies could really be happy with us. It’s natural for us to doubt the women in this process because we have never met nor dated any. We have only our masochistic “we both care a lot about you and neither one of us cares a lot about me” American dating experiences to convince us a gorgeous younger girl could even consider us as a serious life-partner. That’s not gonna build a whole lot of confidence in us that we can succeed in the foreign bride search. Yet those of us who do break the mold, take the risks and get ourselves face to face with these exciting, sincere ladies – will see the excited smiles on the faces of women who not only like us personally but are attracted to us for all the typical reasons. We are strong, self-assured, sober, productive, healthy, happy and monogamous. You disserve to be discovered and loved for who you are. Get on the plane and go!
*Join me on Monday nights for a telephone conference around the foreign bride search you will not soon forget! This is free – only normal long distance charges apply! Dial (404) 920-6610 and when prompted enter conference code 935905#. You can listen in or press *1 to join the conversation! Get your questions answered!
