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| Welcome to the Foreign Bride 101 Weekly Blog! |
| Candid, practical advice for men in the foreign bride search! |
| Hi! Welcome to the Foreign Bride 101 blog! Here, I will share a few ideas, expand on a few questions I've been asked recently around the foreign bride search, and offer the most candid, relevant advice and information I have for nice guys like you! Enjoy your read - and check back weekly for more! |
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| What's Slowing Down My Letters? |
The conversation was between friends, over a few beers. My wife, Viktoria, visiting her friend
in Russia asked her why she, now in her mid 30’s, had yet to find a suitable husband and life-
partner. Her friend thought for a moment then answered. “There are no single men in Russia.
If you want love here you will have to accept any man, even one who is married. At least then
you would have someone, otherwise it would be impossible.” I was thankful for the surprise in
my Viktoria’s voice as she recounted that exchange to me. “It’s terrible that someone like her
cannot meet someone unless he is married or just wanting to use her for sex.”
Terrible indeed.
Now, I was not surprised that a single, 30-something lady from Russia would draw such a
conclusion. I have interviewed hundreds of such women over the past 9 years. Most have
admitted the same predicament. Women outnumber men in Russia by the millions. Many men
in Russia are not, for the most part, marriage minded. Those who do marry are more or less
expected to have mistresses. Their friends would otherwise think them not manly. When
Russian men are unfaithful they have a myriad of choices – many beautiful 20 something ladies
to pursue. They choose girls who don’t have kids, who don’t need a babysitter to go out or
spend the night. Many Russian men won’t raise their own children and have no interest in
raising someone else’s. The average single 30-something Russian mom is definitely not the
partner of choice for the average cheating Russian male. And of course, one of the true ironies
in Russian culture – “average” Russian women in their 30’s – are lovely, intelligent, and
romantic – and have so much to offer someone.
I suppose another irony in this conversation is that I have met this friend of Viktoria’s once.
She would have no problem at all meeting a nice man anywhere on the planet except in Russia.
She’s a beautiful, thin, feminine and shapely woman with deep eyes and shiny black hair. When
Viktoria first told her about me years ago, her immediate response was “Really? A foreign man?
So… what kind of lover is he?” And yet she is no different than a young 28 year old from
Moscow I interviewed a month ago, or the 36 year old Olga from Odessa the month before
that, or any of the hundreds of amazing late 20 – 30 – 40 something women I have had the
privilege to know since I started my work in the foreign bride biz 10 years ago. So many
beautiful women, the most attractive women on Earth yet so few options for a life-partner.
Recently, someone told me that the major international dating agencies have stopped going to
Russia because the economic circumstances that drove FSU women to join them for years have
melted away. Russia’s economy is doing much better these days, he said. Russian women no
longer want to find a foreign husband. Really? Really?! So the city of Moscow is shrouded in
toxic smoke from forest and peat bog fires burning uncontrollably on its perimeter because
Russia doesn’t have enough firefighting equipment to put them out – but economics are better
in Russia and Russian women don’t want foreign husbands. So, Russian men are so
outnumbered by Russian women that the government is offering married couples $10,000 US
to stay married and have a second child. Moscow women claim in an article by the Christian
Science Monitor, however, the problem lies not with Russian women wanting a second child
but with finding a like-minded Russian man with whom to have a first child, not to mention a
second one. But Russian women aren’t still looking for a foreign guy.
Personally I think the problem for international marriage agencies is very simple. The most
reliable, most available, most motivated for all the right reasons girls from the FSU have been
over 25 - but the vast majority of men who have traveled to Russia in the past 15 years were
seeking much younger ladies. The more mature ladies lost out - and eventually lost faith.
That's not to say someone couldn't create a revival in a city like St. Petersburg with literally
hundreds of thousands of single women desiring to find love - but it would take an honest,
concentrated effort to attract the right men to the right women and that's not a task most
agencies are up to anymore. The fantasy marketing that said for 15 years that foreign women
are poor, dumb, desperate and stupid and will marry anyone worked all too well. It attracted
guys who respond to that kind of message - most of whom did not meet someone but still
managed to screw it up for everyone else. Now the 25 and older crowd still waits to be
discovered but those ladies also know most guys in the foreign bride search aren't looking for
them.
And then, dear reader... there's YOU.
Who are you searching for? How would you define HER? Is she age-appropriate, from your
generation? Has her life experience thus far mirrored yours? Has she had relationships that
didn't work out despite years and months of trying to make them work... like you have? Is her
body at the same peak or valley as yours is right now? Does she define happiness as you do -
with love, marriage, family and a life-time promise to nurture those things? Will she have had
enough life and relationship experience to understand how uniquely important you are to her
world, and treat you as such? If you pursue someone in the foreign bride search who casts any
doubt on the above - you should think twice my friend. The world is full of foreign bride
failures - men whose ideal life-partner was well beyond their reach from conception. Men who
could have easily met a wonderfully real life-mate, every bit as exciting as those wannabe
lingerie model types, but were to immersed in fantasy to make it happen.
Then again, my Viktoria and I know many couples who have been married and happy for
several years or more, who are very appropriate for each other and long-term compatible. The
men are American, the women are Russian, Ukrainian, Latvian, Belorussian. The guys started
out on the right path from day one, kept it real and did not buy into one ounce of fantasy
marketing and set themselves on paths leading right to their beautiful (and I mean
BEAUTIFUL!) wives. If you met them, they'd tell you they have no idea what some of those
other guys are thinking. "Why be alone," they would say. "Why be frustrated and broke after
years of chasing model wannabes when you can come home every day to a very real,
wonderfully "average" wife whose love and beauty awaits you?
It's the question very much at the heart of what's good and bad about the international
marriage biz. Seriously, my friend, do you have any idea how many incredible women wait to
be discovered by you in places like Russia, Ukraine and Latin America? Don't tell me there aren't
any interested women left. I talk to them all the time. I know better.
Do you? I'm asking because I would like my friends Victoria, Yulia, Sveta, Olga and so many
others to meet a nice man someday. If you met them and got to know them as I have, believe
me, brother, you wouldn't blink.
| August 18th, 2010 A Conversation Between Friends |