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When and What To Give to Your Foreign Girl!

Some gift-giving tips for men and their foreign ladies!

Boy, is this a great topic for men in the foreign bride search! We've
already talked about scams general in an earlier article. Some scams,
as we discussed, center around giving gifts or money to ladies we
have not met, not fallen in love with, etc. If you missed that particular
article, you can read it HERE.

We men love to give gifts, flowers, candy and even reasonable financial
support to our foreign ladies. Many men in the foreign bride search have
traditional family values and believe intuitively that men are providers who
don the furs, sharpen the spears and arrows, leave the cave on a cold
winter day, hunt and kill the noble stag then drag it back up the slopes to
the cheers of our waiting families. This is how our brains are wired and to
all the feminists who read my columns (I think I'm pretty safe here...) we
like it that way! Unfortunately, it is this exact sense of provider duty
that leads us astray, causing us to get carried away in what we give, what
we send, and what we allow ourselves to get talked into. We believe we
can "buy" a girl's affection by lavishing her with expensive things. "I have
money, she has beauty - this ought to be easy," I once heard a tour
participant say. For him, it WAS very easy - to get scammed out of allot
of money for virtually nothing.

What exactly does a girl mean when her profiles say she is looking for
someone "generous?" What are the possible scams around gifts and
money? What should we give, and when? How do we give appropriately
to show our sincere love and appreciation without giving too much or
without appearing cheap? Let's try to answer these questions and more.

(That is, after all - what I do!)

Guys, first and foremost - I want you to give gifts, flowers, etc. as often as you like. Given the sacrifices these remarkable
women will make to be with us, I hope you give every chance you get! The trick is to know when to give and then what to give
to make her happy without causing your own personal economic meltdown. So...

IT IS APPROPRIATE TO GIVE GIFTS OR MONEY WHEN:

1. You have met a girl in person, have fallen in love, are engaged and convinced she feels the same way about you as you feel
about her OR when you are meeting her and/or family for the first time. BUT - and this is a big "but" here - limit yourself
to gifts that are under $50. As I have stated many times you should NEVER give money to any girl you haven't met for any
reason at all. Remember the scammers out there want to get in your wallet. Don'y make it easy for them.

2. You are celebrating her or her family members' birthday, an anniversary, Valentines Day (many foreign women know when it's
Valentines Day here, even if it is not celebrated in their country,) International Women's Day - March 8th (this is a VERY
important day to most foreign ladies - DO NOT forget her on this of all days of the year,) and on these occasions you should
spend a little more, probably in the $100 range until your girl has arrived in the states and you've married!

3. You and your girl are working together on a Fiancée visa. YOU alone should expect to handle the related costs of application
fees, interview fees including her travel to the US Embassy in her country, English lessons if necessary, etc. None of these need
be extraordinary and shouldn't;t break your bank if you believe yourself ready to support a wife and family. More importantly,
most foreign ladies won't be able to afford these.

WHAT ARE SOME APPROPRIATE THINGS TO GIVE AS GIFTS:

FOR HER:
Flowers, fine chocolate, wine from your home state, (just because it's something they will not likely get in their country,)
name-brand cosmetics (Almay, Maybeline, Revlon etc. - these are typically quite expensive in their city,) gift baskets from the
Body Shoppe, L'occitane, Crabtree and Evelyn, Bath and Body Works, clothing and jewelry from stores like Wet Seal, Charlotte
Russe, Forever 21, Bebe, and similar stores, perfumes from department stores like Filenes, Marshall Fields, etc., candles, incense
etc. Expensive items like cell phones and cameras are a big hit - but save these for the most important occasions and be sure
you are giving to someone who has demonstrated her true love to you.

FOR HER FAMILY:
Flowers, fine chocolate, wine from California or from your home state, spirits like top shelf bourbon, Jack Daniels etc. (these are
typically quite expensive in their cities,) Yankee Candles, flavored coffee (something I have never seen in Russia,) maple syrup,
Alaskan smoked salmon, and generally any very nice local specialty food items.

SOME BAD GIFT IDEAS:
Cd's and dvd's unless you're sure they will play in her country, (different countries use different formats,) cheap perfume,
clothing with your college alma mata (they won't wear these outside,) and - this will surprise some guys - LINGERIE! Lingerie
and items from Victoria's Secret, Fredericks of Hollywood etc., are a BAD idea for any girl you have not become intimate with
yet. This would be considered pushy by most foreign ladies. Once intimacy on some level is established these would be
considered very nice if given with other items such as flowers, perfume, clothing, etc.

WHAT DOES A GIRL MEAN WHEN HER PROFILE SAYS SHE WANTS TO MEET SOMEONE "GENEROUS?"
The word "generous" appears in a good number of women's profiles. The use of "generous" to describe a girl's ideal guy can
have two meanings depending on the motives of the girl. If the girl is sincere, decent, and real in her intentions to find a similar
man then "generous" means she'd like to receive flowers and a modest gift once in awhile and certainly on important dates.
These ladies are far more focused on your act of giving than on what you are giving.
MOST foreign ladies will have these pure intentions.

If the girl is scamming, she will be far more focused on how much money you are spending, how often you are spending and
will more often ask you for money so she can buy herself a gift. Many, many a well-meaning guy has trekked off to Ukraine or
Russia in search of a young beauty to lavish with gifts in exchange for love, intimacy and notches in the belt and ego. They are
usually quite successful at unloading their money - not so much in finding true love. In fact the ugly truth is allot of those 19 -
23 year old super model wannabes are taking guys' money and laughing at them later on. Worse yet, some of their friends see
how much they are cashing in and decide to join up with an IMA so they can get in on the action. Yet -and this is also
absolutely true - the vast majority of ladies who join International Marriage Agencies like A Foreign Affair are just
trying to meet a nice guy for love and will appreciate whatever gestures you make to show your true affection.

The bottom line is - we should give, give freely, give generously, give creatively with all our hearts to our beloved
foreign ladies but not allow ourselves to be completely taken for granted by someone less serious.

Raise your right hand and solemnly swear to obey the above rules of engagement and you should never have that awkward,
sickening feeling that you've been had.

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Foreign Bride 101
A "How-To" For Nice Guys
By Bud Patterson

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